Grief. The ever-changing wheels of time we are all subject to is like a kid being forced to get braces. You know it will push the past behind us and brighten our future but at the moment it sucks and at times can be humiliating. In real life it is hard to look forward to the perfect smile and the idea of viewing this torturous experience as just a blip in the radar when at the present moment your mouth is full of shiny metal and you want nothing more than to tear your own teeth out as a last-ditch effort to make the pain stop.
Grief in many ways is the same. You know the hardships in your life are there to shape you into the person God wants you to be, or in actuality knows you are, and that eventually this trial, like all others in your life, will be just a blip in the radar. (Although, I think most will agree when it comes to loss that “blip” is generally the size of Texas) Still, that doesn’t change the torture we endure when we lose something we love so deeply. It doesn’t change the feeling of agony in the never-ending present.
It sucks and in ways can be humiliating. You wear your grief like a name tag or a scarlet letter. For those that know about your loss, you have become more fragile.To them you are an eggshell that they mustn’t break. For those that don’t know, You pray they won’t find out and try your best to hide the scarlet letter because if they do, you will get the dreaded “look” and be forever deemed as “the one who lost their baby.”
Then of course there is the guilt of not having straight teeth perhaps? or is it not honoring the one(s) you lost or maybe it’s that you are not grieving in a way that is comfortable to everyone else? No, that’s not it because that would mean you still had the will to care- The guilt comes from wishing you cared but more importantly the guilt comes from not honoring your loved one. Making sure their life was more meaningful than to just effect you.
The difference between a child getting braces and grief is that eventually, you will just view it as a blip in the radar and eventually the pain will disappear. Blips the size of Texas…dont disappear.
My story goes something as such. Just as the present is never-ending, so is my grief of the loss of my son.
Without God, everything would be unbearable.