CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT


*Disclaimer: I am aware the my overuse of parenthesis in this post is probably annoying. Deal with it. : ) Thanks.

WOW. So you know how you have every intention of writing something for so long that you begin to think you did. THIS was one of those things. One of the most healing experiences so far. The birth of a beautiful baby girl.

A month and a half ago  ( I know I am totally slacking) my dear…friend? (Friend doesn’t do her justice, how about the family you choose) gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Unfortunately, I missed the birth.  I was called with plenty of time to get there but instead of following my instincts and going right then, I decided I had time to take a shower. I was wrong. I am still sorry about that one 😦 Just goes to prove, I am not the one in charge contrary to my desire to believe it.  So we got there and there she was. Born in the same room, although it looks different, as my son. The birth tub was in the same place, although unused. In a way it felt like I was going back and stepping outside myself and looking at what could have been if that makes any sense at all. It took a few minutes to get used to. Their were plenty of mixed emotions. Then the light came. Not dwelling on my loss but embracing this beautiful gift of life that just entered the world. Loving her and her Mama so deeply. There were a bunch of people but for a few moments it felt like all was  silent and warm. There was a moment of awe. Tears filled my eyes. (Which reminded me to grab my camera.) I went into “Help the Mama” mode. Doing whatever anyone would let me do to lend a hand. Cleaning, holding babies (for the first time but they were older), moving Mama and baby around. Then their came a time for me to hold her. This little perfect bundle of warmth that God created. I was scared. I was scared that I would be jealous. I was scared that I would have some sort of resentment. I was scared that she would make me think and miss my son more. I was wrong to be scared. This beautiful little girl didn’t bring any of those thoughts to my mind. She healed me of those fears. I was blissfully happy for her and her mama. I was happy and thankful to be a part of it, to be there at all. I was happy to hold the joy that God can create in my arms.

Thank you.

I think its possible because well with God all things are, that she knew Donavin.

She will always be his “sorta-twin.”

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