you’d be 4 months old already!


Hey Bubba,

You would be 4 months old today. (ok, yesterday as of 17 minutes ago) I see babies your age and try to picture what you would look like. I can’t. I hate that I can’t. I hear newborn cries and think of you, even though you never made a sound. Probably would have seen your smile by now, maybe even giggle. I hear nothing. My heart hurts sweetheart. I miss you more than I ever imagined possible. My arms ache for you. I will be ok though. I have God and I know that you do too.

Life doesn’t slow down though. I feel like the world should have stopped. It only seems to speed up and some days I feel like I am barely keeping up. A lot of days I don’t have the energy to try.

Your sister has attached herself to a pair of pajamas that were supposed to be yours. The pants have feet and they were WAY too small for her. Your Daddy thought he was being smart and cut the feet off for her. She was sooo upset. She didn’t want baby brother’s jammies cut. We tried to cheer her up by giving her the feet for slippers. Its supper cute but not the same. She still wasn’t happy about it.

She misses you so much. I hurt for her loss as well as my own. She sees and holds babies and tells everyone “my baby brother died” she tells me that she misses you all the time. I hope God lets you play with her in her dreams. I dont know how that all works but it gives me comfort thinking she can dream sweet dreams of you.

I know your Daddy misses you. I wish he would talk to me more about it. He’s never been a big talker though.

I wish I could give you a big hug and kiss or better yet, sandwich kisses.

Love,
Mommy

I will love you forever
I will remember you always
As long as I am living
My baby you’ll be

Ps. Addy says….her heart goes “bounce. bounce, bounce”

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