Roller Coaster Going backwards…


So today has been all sorts of emotional for many reasons. Some great, some angering, some absolutely rediculas. I attended the VBAC meeting in salem where the board was meeting to propose law changes regarding VBAC’s and Midwives. It was interesting to say the least. Hard to keep my mouth shut a lot of the time as I felt as if I could be a poster child for things that could increase the risk of rupture regarding a VBAC …yet, in their eyes I had a successful VBAC because I didn’t rupture.  (Although I too VBAC was successful to some extent just not with the intended outcome) Some of the things they are proposing are outrageous…I just want to shake them and ask if they understand that God created the woman’s body and he did just fine so quit trying to interfere where you are not wanted! I understand that SOME people (although I do have to say the majority of the public that has put in their opinion suggests that the laws should not change and I would just like to take a minute to let out the child in me and scream MAJORITY RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) don’t believe that the laws are strict enough. Those people should stay in a hospital where they belong and quit interfering with lives they will never see.   They say it’s all for public safety…I am sorry but thats crap. They should call it the “Looking out for #1” meeting. I have never met ANY doctor  that is more concerned with EVERY ASPECT and yes that includes safety of a “patient’s” (just a side note, I just realized why doctors call us patients….we have to have patience to deal with all their crap) health and well-being in general. (yes, I know that they are out there but I personally have never met one) So I suppose we will see by next year what they decide. All I know is a woman’s right to choose how she births is at risk and that makes me angry. It should be a woman’s choice not the governments. (Insert whole new can of worms here)

Secondly, I found out some really disturbing news.  I will not disclose it because well frankly I don’t know who I can trust at the moment.

Lastly the highlight of my day. Brief Encounters. Too be honest, I wasnt too sure that the support group would help me.  I thought “well, I am dealing with things alright I am sure I will be fine either way”  Something and by “something”  I mean God, told me to go. Of course in his own “you don’t know why but you have to go” kind of way. It was amazing. There is something so powerful about being in a room with people who are going through the same thing you are. Words don’t do it justice. Sure, we generally all have different stories but we all have the same outcome and that is worth SOOO much. It is soooo nice to know that some of the things I thought were unique to my grieving process are not as unique as a thought.  It is so nice to have a place to go to talk about Donavin freely and not worry. It is nice to have someone who has been in my shoes before give me ideas on how to cope with things I may be struggling with. It was nice to say out loud some of the things I have never said before. I can’t wait until next month.  It was said tonight, its like riding a roller coaster backwards….you have ups and downs but can’t see them coming. So perfectly said.

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One response to “Roller Coaster Going backwards…

  1. I am glad you enjoyed your support group! That sounds like it will be very healing for you and your family.

    The whole VBAC thing is totally outrageous. I can’t believe some of the things that were said (read some on Facebook). I am glad you were able to go.

    Sorry about the disturbing news – seems like it was fitting for the whole day. Lots of emotion.

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