3 months

I am not sure of much these days. It has been 3 months to the day today. My heart hurts so bad. Today strength isn’t with me. Time moves slower yet faster these days. I have more time to miss my son. All I want is to hold him skin to skin. I want to see his pink lips and feel his heart beating. It’s weird to have reminders of him everywhere but not have him here.  I spend so much time wondering what I would be doing if he were here. At the store last week I saw a huge thing of baby bath I grabbed it as I thought ” this would be great for both kids.” Then remembering punched me in the stomach so hard I couldn’t breath. That is the only time I have ever done that and I pray it will be the last.  I am constantly holding my stomach like I did when I was pregnant, it is still so weird not to have him inside of me. I would carry him forever if it meant I could have him back. I would cherish the sleepless nights and the hugeness.  I hope the scar I have from burning my pregnant belly never fades. I don’t know why. Strength has lost me today but God has not. He is my comfort. He reminds me constantly it is ok to hurt but more importantly he reminds me that Donavin does not.

I love you my precious baby boy.


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